I see in the news where millions of children have suffered from “learning loss” over the past 11 months, and are expected to lose even more learning during 2021.
Earlier this month, President Joe Biden proposed to address the problem — which is especially acute, according to news articles, in “high poverty school districts”. The President’s proposed solution, which is the correct solution to almost every problem anyone can imagine, is to throw money at it. Maybe $130 billion? Give or take a few billion.
Of course, President Biden is not proposing to take this money out of his own pockets. In fact, it’s not entirely clear who’s pockets this $130 billion would come out of. Certainly not out of my pockets. Darlene, my ex-wife, pretty well cleaned out those particular pockets during our divorce settlement.
I would seem that, somehow, the money will materialize out of nowhere, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat. I used to have a friend who was studying to be a magician, and I happen to know that the “rabbit out of a hat” is a conjuring trick. The rabbit doesn’t actually come out of the hat. But my friend made me swear to secrecy, so I can’t reveal how it is actually done. I can reveal, however, that it doesn’t hurt the rabbit, if you pull him out by his ears.
Whether it hurts anyone to have $130 billion materialize out of nowhere, I have no idea. But it hurts to lose your learning. That’s been pretty well proven to everyone’s satisfaction. And it’s been pretty well proven that, for example, millions of third graders did not successfully memorize their multiplication tables over the past year.
This does not bode well for the future of the nation. Even worse, it’s been reported that millions of fourth graders have failed to learn the following vocabulary words, normally taught to all fourth graders, especially those in high poverty school districts:
awkward
baggage
confused
distress
hardship
mistrust
queasy
tragic
weary
Those are just a few of the vocabulary words that have been lost — forever? — as a result of the transition to “remote learning” during the COVID pandemic. Those fourth graders will now move into fifth grade, deprived of many words they probably would have used, in the future, to describe what it feels like to try and learn something during a Zoom classroom lesson.
Whether President Biden and our free-spending Congress can do anything at all to remedy the situation, remains to be seen. News reports about President Biden’s proposal say that 20% of the money districts receive, would have to be spent helping students catch up academically. I remember learning about percentages in fifth grade, and I’m pretty sure that means the school districts will be allowed to spend 80% of the money not helping students catch up academically. So maybe $100 billion, spent however they want?
Sounds like a typical federal program.
But I guess my main complaint centers on the idea that people stop learning once they leave the 12th grade. (Some of you might object to that statement, and argue that kids also continue learning in college. Well, I can tell you, I went to college, and the only useful skills I retained from those four years was how to roll a joint with one hand while driving a car. And how to open a beer bottle with a spoon.)
I will fiercely argue, instead, that learning continues long into adulthood. Just last week, for instance, I learned what “Airplane Mode” means on my phone, which was an enormous relief, I can assure you — I hadn’t received a phone call in about two months.
Why did it take me two months to learn about “Airplane Mode”? Obviously, because of the COVID pandemic. I have personally suffered significant learning loss, and I’m mad as hell about it. But does Joe Biden want to help people like me? No.
He wants to throw $130 billion at school children.
Think about that for a minute. School children. You know, the snot-nosed little brats who are passing notes in class, during a lesson on percentages. I would estimate that under President Biden’s plan, 80% of them will end up graduating from high school not even knowing what 80% means.
My central concern — which obviously differs from President Biden’s central concern — is “adult learning loss.” How many things did I fail to learn over the past year? I don’t even know.
But here’s the kicker.
The research arm of the U.S. Department of Education would study learning loss and how to address it. The Institute of Education Sciences would get $100 million to undertake this study.
Before this morning, I didn’t know that the US Department of Education even had a research arm. But in spite of the “adult learning loss” that took place since the arrival of the coronavirus last February, I have now learned that a bunch of education experts don’t even know how to address learning loss, and will be paid $100 million to study it.
And the funny thing? We already know their conclusion, after spending two years studying learning loss.
“Make $130 billion materialize out of thin air, and mail it out to school district so they can spend 80% of it not helping students catch up academically.”
I wish I had never learned this.