The high rollers in Washington DC have reportedly been fighting over a ‘stimulus package’ this week. I hear the Republicans are refusing to support a bill if it includes funding for local governments… while the Democrats are resisting any bill that provides liability protections for businesses.
I guess that pretty well defines the battle lines in America. Clowns to the left, jokers to the right… here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell told his colleagues in the US Senate that they would have to work through the weekend to get the tax-funded package approved. Hard to imagine, the US Senate working through the weekend. You would almost think it’s a paying job.
“After all these months, struggling Americans don’t just need action. They need action, fast.”
Senator McConnell actually said that.
Please don’t take this as a cynical criticism, but does Mitch McConnnell look like someone who takes action “fast”?
Not to be intentionally cruel or anything, but Senator McConnell’s normal expression would work really well as a door-stop. Little would anyone guess that Senator McConnell is known (privately, among his closest colleagues) as “Lightning Bolt Mitch”. Which is probably why this has all happening so quickly. It’s only been since March 27 that our Senators have done something meaningful to address the economic damage from the COVID shutdowns, and only three months since cases and deaths — and unemployment — started spiking again in mid-September.
Good old “Lightning Bolt Mitch” to the rescue.
With “liability protections for businesses.”
Yep. That’s what America needs most. Protections for any capitalist who has put his employees in compromising situations, and risked their lives to keep the wheels of industry churning. Right.
I really shouldn’t be saying anything about this whole situation, because I would be just as bad as the rest of the capitalists, if I were a capitalist. I would have been standing in line for the free Paycheck Protection Program dollars, back in April, just like all of the other huge corporations that got millions in “forgivable loans” from the Small Business Administration.
But alas, I forgot to become a capitalist, when I had my chance. Instead of worrying how I’m going to make the next payment on my yacht, I’m worrying about how to make this humor article sound funny.
Not that I would have a chance in hell of making “Lightning Bolt Mitch” crack a smile, I guess.
But Mitch has an even tougher job than mine. He has to try and get his Senators to work through the weekend. And they might be doing all that work without any liability protection. (Because the Democrats are stonewalling, you know.)
Who wants that job?
Or Nancy Pelosi’s job for that matter. Not me. Representative Pelosi described the package currently under discussion as “emergency relief” and not as “economic stimulus.” She said the “stimulus” part would have to be hammered out later on. (How much later, Nancy?)
But we might have to agree with Representative Pelosi. If you’re 6 months behind on paying your rent, a $600 check from Washington is not going to be a terribly stimulating Christmas present. I mean, it’s better than a lump of coal in your stocking, but…
Actually, I take that back. For those of us who’ve had trouble paying our gas bill, a lump of coal to throw in the wood stove on a cold morning doesn’t sound all that bad.