Eric Lubbers, one of the 12 staff members who write for the online-only Colorado Sun, posts a fascinating collection of news tidbits every few days, and last week he included a photo he’d shot at a Denver Safeway supermarket.
I understand that the path to a man’s heart is often littered with the bones of large, edible farm animals… beef, pork… perhaps an occasional lamb… if you’re feeling somewhat less romantic, a chicken…
And also with the inedible shells of small, sea creatures, like shrimp…
But what happened to boxes of chocolates, decorated with a pink ribbon?
I very well remember the wonderful sparkle in my mother’s eyes when my dad would come home from work on Valentine’s Day with a box of chocolates.
And I can easily imagine the unpleasant scene that could have ensued if Dad had, instead, brought home the heart-shaped meat packages illustrated in Mr. Lubbers’ photograph above.
In my imagination, Dad has just hung up his coat on a hook in the hallway, and Mom comes in, wearing her favorite red dress — the one she often wears for special occasions.
Dad: “Here, honey. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Mom: “What’s this?”
Dad: “They were on sale at Safeway. Surf and Turf.”
Mom: (Staring at the heart-shaped plastic containers, as her eyes begin to water.) “So you want me to cook a complicated dinner for you on Valentine’s Day? I thought maybe you wanted to take me out for dinner…”
Dad: “They were on sale; I couldn’t pass it up. The shrimp was only $7.99 a pound.”
Mom: “This is so thoughtful of you, Fred. And I have something for you, for Valentine’s Day. I’ve been saving it for just the right romantic moment….” (Setting the plastic meat packages on the entry table, she extracts a folded letter from the drawer.) “It’s a letter written by my attorney, suggesting a reasonable divorce settlement…”
But that was many years ago. Times change, and so do romantic holidays. And I hold the diet industry responsible.
From BusinessWire, February 2019:
The “The US Weight Loss & Diet Control Market” report has been added to ResearchAndMarkets.com’s offering. The US weight loss market is now worth a record $72 billion, but the number of dieters has fallen, due to the growth of the size acceptance and body positivity movement.
Well, maybe not. Yes, it’s possible the weight loss industry is worth $72 billion. And it’s possible that the “size acceptance movement” has encouraged some people to feel more positive about being grossly overweight. But has the number of dieters really fallen? According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, the percentage of Americans who tried to lose weight — by dieting, exercise, or maybe wishful thinking — has increased from about 34 percent (1999) to about 42 percent (2016).
This suggests that four of any ten of your friends tried to lose weigh last year. (And the other six probably should have tried to lose weight.)
This would not bode well for the chocolate industry, except that someone started a rumor that chocolate was actually good for you. The problem with this rumor, however, is that the chocolate that’s good for you has almost no added sugar and tastes absolutely terrible.
As we all know, the essence of romance is encouraging your partner to do things everyone knows is bad for you — drinking too many martinis at a party, eating boxes of chocolates on Valentine’s Day, watching Netflix movies at 2am, and so on.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m going to vote for the Presidential candidate who can make chocolate great again.