To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
— Hubert H. Humphrey
We all make mistakes… as my ex-wife Darlene was so often willing to remind me. Even Darlene herself made a serious blunder once. She married me.
Doesn’t matter if you’re rich, or famous. No one is immune from error. Former President Bill Clinton, as one shining example.
Even an Entire Nation can make a mistake. Whenever the Fourth of July comes around, I am once again reminded of America’s humongous screw-up. Namely, the Declaration of Independence.
Maybe we could blame it on the lack of air conditioning? Philadelphia was unbearably hot that summer, in July 1776, even though the invention of global warming was still 200 years away. A bunch of businessmen, sweating under their wigs, had finally got up the nerve to compose a threatening letter to King George III of England, essentially saying that they didn’t like his politics and “nanny nanny nanny.” (They didn’t actually use the word, “nanny,” but they nevertheless managed to get their message across… and royally piss the King off.)
These particular businessmen had been losing money ever since war had broken out a year earlier… what with American ships forbidden by the British Parliament from using American ports, and the Stamp Act, and the Tea Tax, and people shooting at each other. So they did something rash. They gathered in a stuffy room in Philadelphia and thumbed their noses at the King.
It’s important to note that nobody was forcing Congress sign this Declaration. We didn’t have a President yet, to threaten Congress with “Executive Orders” and that kind of nonsense. So Congress had no one to blame but themselves.
Of course, this was not the last time the U.S. Congress pulled a royal boner. Hell, it’s been happening pretty much every day lately. But we can’t ignore the fact that the Declaration of Independence was a really big mistake… and we’re still paying dearly for it, two hundred and forty years later.
Imagine how different America would have been, if Congress — instead of forever severing our political ties with Great Britain and setting off seven years of nasty fighting — had simply gone around to the corner tavern and knocked down a few beers?
Think of it. We would all, today, still be British. We would have a Queen, and a Royal Family. Princess Kate and her new baby would be on the cover of the New York Times, not the National Enquirer.
We would all speak with British accents, and seem much more intelligent than we actually are. Even Donald Trump would have a British accent.
We would be driving on the left side of the road, thus making left turns much more safe and convenient.
Every single food would no longer contain “high fructose corn syrup” as its primary ingredient.
We would have free medical care. (And, at the risk of sounding redundant, our doctors would have British accents, and would seem much more intelligent than they really are.)
We would be watching ‘football,’ instead of watching football. We would use the Metric System like everyone else. We would understand the jokes in the Monty Python movies. We would drink our beer at room temperature, thus leaving lots more room in the refrigerator for the overcooked pot roast.
I’m barely scratching the surface here.
Many people have satirized the famous quote from Alexander Pope, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” I will agree that forgiveness is hard to come by… especially if you’ve screwed up the destiny of an entire country. But there’s something even more humanly rare than forgiveness.
The willingness to admit your mistake.
The U.S. Congress has never had the courage to stand up like a man, and confess to the world that, yes, they really made a mess… dropped the ball… loused things up…
… so they did the next best thing. They pretended their huge mistake was in fact an act of political genius… and turned it into a national day of celebration.
Happy Fourth of July, everyone.