HUMOR: The Flood

I’m not sure how the Great America PAC got my name?

Well, actually, they didn’t get my name… but they got my email address. Where my name should have appeared, they simply used the word, “Friend.”

From: Ed Rollins <info@greatamericapac.com>
Subject: Can I give President Trump your name?
Date: May 23, 2017 6:34:19 AM MDT
To: Friend <louiscannon@pagosadailypost.com>

Friend,

The leaks coming out of Washington have turned into a flood and Democrats and even some Republicans are doing everything in their power to take down the President. If you can’t tell by now, this is what we’re up against… and we can’t drain the swamp fast enough.

The political elites in Washington are actively sabotaging the President day-in and day-out. They’re trying to oust him to protect their way of life. Why else do you think President Trump’s every move is being leaked every hour by rogue staffers and Obama era holdovers?

“We never got 1 damaging leak out of Obama White House staff in 8 yrs. Under Trump, they appear hourly. BIG DANGER: Small leaks sink ships!”

President Trump is fighting back and he needs our help. These rogue actors are accelerating their effort to destroy his presidency – and only Great America PAC has the experience and capability to help beat them back and take on the dishonest media.

This is unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.

Can President Trump still count on you?

Well, gosh. I didn’t know President Trump had been counting on me in the first place. Nobody tells me about this stuff, until it’s too late. But if the President is asking me to take on the dishonest media, what else can I do but answer his call? Or his tweet?

Just to make things perfectly clear, there’s no such thing as “the honest media.” When our President and his friends use the two words “dishonest” and “media” in the same sentence, they’re being redundant, and plus they’re saying the same thing twice. “Media” equals “dishonest.” (Except, technically, one word is a noun and the other is an adjective… but for heaven’s sake, let’s not split hairs, when ‘Making America Great’ is on the line.)

As Mr. Rollins so forcefully reminded me, the leaks coming out of Washington have turned into a flood, and the President is fighting to turn the tide. But alas, his presidency is not made of gopherwood.

(For any readers who happen to be Muslim, our bible says that Noah built his ark out of gopherwood, and his ark survived a flood probably even bigger than the flood of leaks coming out of Washington. Which says something pretty impressive about gopherwood, seems to me.  You can’t actually make a presidency out of gopherwood, but I still think it makes for a clever metaphor. Like, what if you could make a presidency out of gopherwood? I bet Donald Trump would have been the first to do it.)

Certainly, it’s a daunting challenge to drain the swamp, when you’re faced with a flood of leaks. Every time you bail out a gallon of swampy water, two more gallons of leaks come pouring in. I suspect what the President needs is a very large sump pump — I mean, like, humongous — and a really long extension cord. But all he has is a PAC… and people he can still count on, like you and me.

Where is all this water coming from, anyway? 97 percent of climate scientists would probably claim that it’s coming from the melting polar ice caps, but that’s nonsense. LOL. How would the water get from the North Pole to Washington? It’s not like we have a pipeline… and even if we wanted one, some Indian tribe would probably try and stop it.

I’d honestly like to help the President and his friends like Ed Rollins, and if it were simply a matter of one small leak, I’d be the first little Dutch boy to step up and stick my finger in the dike. But, like, we’re dealing with a flood. The dike is gone — demolished by rogue actors, and probably some Hollywood actors, too.

Considering the seriousness of the situation, all I can do for our President is offer him a bit of free advice.

Stop doing stuff that causes leaks.

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Louis Cannon

Underrated writer Louis Cannon grew up in the vast American West, although his ex-wife, given the slightest opportunity, will deny that he ever grew up at all.