“You have to admit,” Hera Flack cackled, “it’s ironic that we’re solving this workforce housing pickle with pickleball.”
Ms. Flack, the take-no-prisoners head of the Stinkwater Springs Tourist Trappers, added, “And it didn’t take any taxes or fees or divisive petitions from losers in town. Just a few good old-fashioned incentives.”
Those incentives, which include $25 million in sales tax increment financing, a 10-year abatement of lodging taxes and exemption from any future short term rental fees, has lured Austin-based BurgerSmash Palace to choose Stinkwater for its destination pickleball resort in the Four Corners.
BurgerSmash Stinkwater will feature 100 3-bedroom vacation cottages, 25,000 square feet of relaxed gourmet restaurants and pickleball themed shops, as well as a full fleet of antique food carts, all surrounding an atrium of 60 tournament quality pickleball courts.
BurgerSmash CEO Bjorn McAdoo addressed the joint meeting of the Tourist Trappers and the Stinkwater Town Council. “I’ve been involved with pickleball development for 10 years, but it was only here in Stinkwater that I discovered that there is truly nothing pickleball can’t do!”
The charismatic turtlenecked developer explained that he was genuinely concerned about the impact BurgerSmash might have on rentals for workforce families.
“I was reading about the new Stinkwater Inn and Coops development for local workers and it hit me like an overhead smash. The apartments at Inn and Coops are really just pickleball boxes… with walls! Who needs walls? Not us…”
Mr. McAdoo explained that the studio apartments at Stinkwater Inn and Coops are the size of the middle rectangle of a pickleball court, while the bedrooms are far smaller than the smallest rectangles on the pickleball court. “Pickleball is really a morning and early afternoon sport,” McAdoo explained enthusiastically. “At night, our pickleball courts can provide over 100 bedrooms… with cots, comfortable TV areas and restrooms. And fresh atrium air!”
“Only pickleball can do this. Shuffleboard obviously won’t work and bocce courts present some tough challenges. In many ways, we are tearing down walls that separate people. A tiny bedroom with walls at Stinkwater Inn and Coops feels so confining and cramped. But remove the walls and there’s an open feeling to small spaces.”
“Everyone talks about live/work/play,” Ms. Flack interrupted, “but the workforce living at BurgerSmash Stinkwater will really live that ideal ‘live/work/play’ life. I’m a little envious.”
Mr. McAdoo added that he has approached the creative couple who run Thangawhatsitz Theatre to help workers with the transition to this exciting new concept of workforce housing. “The theatre owners have agreed to conduct a week-long rehearsal of the Thorton Wilder classic ‘Our Town’ to familiarize our workforce families with the challenges of living without walls, traditional ceilings, furnishings, kitchen appliances and other accessories. I truly hope this creative exercise can help the families discover how incidental all those things are, to the real meaning of family.”
Town officials, while publicly noncommittal, are very supportive of the innovative workforce housing initiative.
Off the record, one councilor explained, “This project fits with one of the Town Council’s two top priorities: development of multi-million dollar pickleball courts.
“The other — the multi-million dollar housing for the town’s road equipment — is a tougher fit. The trucks, graders and street sweepers need an overnight space, and housing families, especially children, around commercial equipment is less than ideal.”
Glenn Walsh began contributing to the Daily Post in 2006, with an eye towards government overreach, and underreach. Glenn is a great admirer of the later works of John Stuart Mill and the early photography of Anita Ekberg.