I am always surprised at people who feel bad about themselves. They feel good about everything else. Their politics. Their families. Their cars, bank accounts, houses, and especially, if writers, their writing. But they feel bad about themselves, often in undefined ways. I think it’s called ennui. A sort of persistent low self-esteem, although no one wants to admit to that.
Now, as someone who feels bad about a lot of stuff a lot of the time, I’m confused. Because there’s one thing I don’t feel bad about.
Me. I kind of like me.
More than kind of. I’m the King. Should anyone have any questions, the King is in.
Is this defensible? If you get out a ledger, I haven’t amounted to much. And I got a whole bunch of quirks, flaws, and idiosyncrasies sure to drive any normal person crazy. Luckily, at least around here, normal people are rare. Exceedingly.
I make mistakes. All the time. I’m the King, not God. But no matter what the King does, no matter how many fumbles and blunders, he’s still the King.
How does this apply to writers? The best writing is a matter of attitude. Style. You cannot adequately or consistently deploy an attitude without, to the very core, feeling good about yourself. As an author, feeling good about yourself is your attitude. Your style.
Even if you feel bad you feel good. Or something like that.
If you are struggling with esteem, there are exercises that can help. When you’re wrong admit it. If you say something half-baked don’t fight and twist and turn and thumb-wrestle with anyone who will listen in order to prove you’re right. It’s very human to think mistakes diminish or depose the King (or Queen). They don’t.
You can also ignore popular opinion. What do I care what other people think? They can bite me.
You can also refuse to be manipulated by political parties. These are con artists, and not worthy of the King’s attention.
Affirm your own individuality. This alone is powerful stuff. As Dr. Seuss says, “There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” Once you stop laughing you realize something. It’s kinda true.
Finally, love yourself. Not your flaws, but yourself. When you love you, it makes no difference who you are. Yes it does. You’re the King.
Richard Donnelly lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Classic flyover land. Which makes us feel just a little… superior. He publishes a weekly column of essays on the writing life at richarddonnelly.substack.com