According to the official Vital Statistics of the United States, there were about 3.5 million babies born in the United States in 1950. The gender distribution was nearly 50/50 with slightly more males being born.
The year those kids turned 18, about 2/3 of them graduated from high school. Again the gender distribution was about 50/50, but with slightly more females graduating.
So what do those answers to ‘Trivial Pursuit’ have in common? My Clearwater (Florida) High School class of 1968 reunion!
This past weekend, I attended our 55th reunion. The organizers decided to have a 55th, rather than wait to a 60th, because they weren’t sure how many of us would still be around.
Of the 610 who graduated, we know of 69 who have died, and at least one who is in a nursing home. Not all of us are accounted for, so the attrition rate is probably higher.
We are now 73 years old. High school reunions are a rare social function at which women can’t lie about their age!
I missed our 50th reunion because I had an unavoidable conflict — so I hadn’t seen most of this reunion attendees since our 40th reunion. It’s amazing how as we age, 15 years doesn’t seem as long as it once did. It was my entire life span when I started high school at age 15 (my birthday being late in the year).
As a social experiment (and to have a hook for this column) I randomly asked many of my classmates the following question: “If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your high-school self?”
Based on their first “gut” responses, I’ve made some general observations:
Most obvious was the gender differences in the subject of the advice. Only one man said anything about a relationship — and he quoted Jimmy Buffet, “I got married too early, cost me much more than a ring!”
The majority of the responding women said something about relationships. For example, “Don’t date [name withheld]!”, and another said “Don’t marry the guy from Miami!”.
A couple women would advise their teenage selves to quit being “boy crazy!” One said “Don’t do it!”, but declined to say what “it” was. Only one, who has been married for 50+ years, spoke positively about a relationship from that era.
Of the non-relationship responses, the most frequent from women was to be more “self-confident” or “more assertive”. One “would not be so hard on myself!” and another would advise herself, “Don’t worry about being popular”.
That last response brought to mind the number of reports of how social media has magnified the detrimental effects of the desire for popularity among teen girls. One study concluded:
Close friendship strength in mid-adolescence predicted relative increases in self-worth and decreases in anxiety and depressive symptoms by early adulthood. Affiliation preference by the broader peer group, in contrast, predicted higher social anxiety by early adulthood.
One response was totally unique. She regretted the advantage she had from being “cute” in high school (she was) because it gave her the false sense that she could get through life on just her looks — which she “learned the hard way” wasn’t true.
That reminded me of the Eagles lyric, “City girls seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile”.
But as that song concludes, reality takes over:
She gets up and pours herself a strong one, as she stares out at the stars up in the sky,
Another night, it’s gonna be a long one, so she draws the shade and hangs her head to cry…
About an equal number of both sexes said they’d advise themself something to the effect of “high school isn’t the real world, so don’t get so caught up in it”. One guy said the Beach Boys “were full of shit” when they sang “Be True to Your School”.
Three men echoed Socrates, responding “Everything in moderation!” Many male responses related to some particular incident in which they had done something they regretted (usually alcohol related). One woman said “Don’t drink gin and tonic!” but wouldn’t elaborate.
Some from both genders said they’d tell themselves to get better grades. One woman particularly said, “Don’t get a ‘D’ in math!” because it cost her an opportunity.
In addition to asking questions of individuals, I listened to conversations among groups, including some of just women talking — particularly after the alcohol took effect (in vino veritas). I previously wrote this about my observation of such conversations at one of our previous reunions:
“A group of the women would be talking together amicably. One would leave, and as soon as she was gone, the others would talk about her. Another thing was how long the women held grudges. Some were still pissed at others about stolen boyfriends in middle school, four decades earlier.”
At this latest reunion, I didn’t overhear as much criticism of each other among the women, but there were some references to “the bad girls” who weren’t in attendance. When I asked what they meant by a “bad girl” answers ranged from “smoking in the girl’s bathroom”, to sexual promiscuity without any specifics.
When one woman stated to a group of woman that she was still a virgin when she graduated — a couple of them called BS. If any man would have been drunk enough to admit that to group of guys, the responses would have been quite different.
What became clear was that even though high school was a shared experience, how that experience was lived (and perceived in retrospect) were very different for the respective genders. I realize that sounds obvious, but it is more vivid when you hear the genders verbalize the advice they’d now give themselves back then.
Members of our class have now known each other for over half of a century, some before that going back to childhood. Our reunions now seem less about the old times, and more about the fact we are the survivors of our class — and of a generation. As children of the 1950s, we were born of parents who were what has been called ‘the Greatest Generation”. We are vestiges of a carefree, bygone era when it was far less dangerous to be a kid than it is today.
We came of age in the turbulence of the 1960s, graduating high school in possibly the worst year of that decade… a year that began with the some of the deadliest fighting of the Vietnam war (the Tet Offensive)… a war in which some of us would soon participate.
A year in which a civil rights leader and a presidential candidate were assassinated.
One thing I could not assess from talking with, and listening to, my classmates was which gender seems, in retrospect, to have enjoyed high school more. I do know that no one expressed a desire to relive it.
Gary Beatty lives between Florida and Pagosa Springs. He retired after 30 years as a prosecutor for the State of Florida, has a doctorate in law, is Board Certified in Criminal Trial law by the Florida Supreme Court, and is now a law professor.