With us this morning, none other than Kris Kringle. Thanks for being with us, Santa.
It’s my pleasure, thanks for having me.
How’s it been, this highly unusual holiday season, with COVID challenges, and all?
It has been challenging! But we geared up, we made some adjustments. We’re social distancing at North Pole HQ. We’re a big, complex organization that’s had to adapt to all sorts of unexpected circumstances, over the centuries. To natural disasters, wars, and such. We’re accustomed to gearing up, no matter what!
We did have to get a handle on webinar technology, especially for our emissaries – that’s what we call them – all the Santas you’d normally see at shopping malls, bringing joy to children. We’ve been webinaring – is that a word? – remotely bringing joy. Our North Pole tech support people got us, and our emissaries, up to speed.
Have you seen, on TV, drones delivering items?
I have, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Those drones, I’ve heard, are pretty fast, but Dasher, Dancer, Vixen and the rest of our reindeer team are up to speed, too. So… for the foreseeable future, we’ll be continuing with… On Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer and Vixen!
I get it, Santa. Tell us about some of the other things you’ve had to change.
Well, for the most part, we’re seeing what we’ve been seeing, in the past, good kids out there, adapting to sheltering in place and attending school remotely. We’ve seen a slight decline in bullying. Maybe because bullying, remotely, is more difficult. But, at the same time, we’re seeing an uptick in adults bullying one another.
Adults?
Yeah, sadly so. Adults should know better.
Can you say who’s been on your radar screen?
Well, with privacy in mind, I can’t name names. But, generally speaking, we’ve seen an uptick among dictators around the world, imposing their will on people. You always have that, but their behavior has been getting worse. And, there’s been bullying where we didn’t expect to see it, in various places, including America.
Can you be more specific, Santa?
Well, like I said, I can’t name names. But, generally speaking, we’re seeing bullying in politics. Bullying, bad language, lying, and such. You know what happens to bullies? They get a lump of coal in their stocking! We’ve had to factor that into our lumps of coal supply chain, figuring we’ll need more coal for adults, than kids.
We’ve had train loads of coal rolling into the North Pole, and 18-wheelers, day-after-day, at our loading docks. We’re trying to use clean coal, you know, with environmental concerns in mind. As I recall, someone in politics was making a big deal about clean coal, a couple of years ago.
You’re sure I can’t get you to name some names?
Nah. Privacy issues. We have no desire to be sued. Besides… you can probably guess some of the naughty adults we’re talking about. HO…HO…HO!
Harvey Radin is former senior vice president in charge of corporate communications and media relations, Bank of America Western Region. He makes his home in Redwood City, CA.