HUMOR: Another Modest Proposal

By Kary Love (with a nod to Jonathan Swift)

Human history is a history of war. From the killing between tribes living in caves or huts to modern armies marching in millions on their crusades of death, humanity has evolved immersed in war and blood.

This is perfect.

As a result, the victors’ genes came to predominate. The usual practice was to kill all the males of the defeated and rape all the women to ensure only the victors’ genes survived to reproduce. This guaranteed a human selection for violent murderers. Not unlike successful male lions, who kill the cubs of the rival male they have defeated, the human pride we live in today is the product of successful killers imposing their “values” on succeeding generations through their genes. This is ideal.

The curious thing is that every now and then a mutant is born who repudiates the value of murder as the highest achievement of humanity. Jesus comes to mind. Perhaps one must posit a god intervention into the gene pool to account for how Jesus escaped the blood lust to make the absurd declaration that true human being requires one to “love one’s enemy.” Either a genetic mutant produced by random chaos or son of god, it is hard to otherwise account for such a philosophy resulting from generations of successful murderers. This is dangerous.

Even more curious is how the idea that love is superior to killing spread through the rest of humanity bred to kill. Natural selection produced a finely honed killing machine — male humanity — selected to spread its killer genes without opposition. One would expect that, after at least a million years of human evolution, with each generation wiping out the “losers” and reproducing only from the seed of “winners,” that the idea of love or peace would have been annihilated. In fact, it has been in most humans, who proudly send their children off to kill, some celebrating the “prince of peace” a day or two a year (Christmas or Easter) while calling for the blood of enemies year-round.

But somehow, despite all the world and evolution opposing it, love and peace persist among a few extraordinary people in every generation. This must be stopped.

The persistence of this deviant idea, that peace and love are superior to war and murder, may be simply a defect in the machinery of evolution. The random mutations that necessarily creep into the DNA of the species ensures that even deviant ideas will erupt from time to time. Cosmic radiation itself may carry the seeds for it in high energy particles penetrating the atmosphere to pollute the rapidly copying DNA of some unfortunate fetus that becomes an infant born into a world of hate and war, looking around after birth with horror and disgust at the “adults” it has been forced to live with in “community.”

My modest proposal: we must begin a targeted war on peace and love. We must fund the scientific investigation to identify the defective gene and the mechanisms to produce it. Every “peacenik hippie” must be identified and sent to a camp for study. All followers of Jesus preaching peace, love and understanding, must be ferreted out, captured and studied. Science must identify the defective gene and sufficient funding of the camps and the discovery of a cure must be supported by all true humans, the descendants of generations of successful pirates, plunderers and murderers, to expel this weak, sniveling, degenerate philosophy from the warrior race we are. This is our calling.

As we begin to move from our birth planet out into the universe, failure to exterminate this weakness and to inoculate all future generations against it will invite alien races not corrupted by weakness to attack, to kill all our males, to rape all our women and to reduce our vaunted civilization, built on destruction and death, to some pusillanimous doormat of the universal community of warriors.

Otherwise, it is preferable that we simply immolate ourselves in a spasm of nuclear war. Better dead than loving. These are our true choices.

(And a side benefit: no Christmas shopping.)

Kary Love is a Michigan attorney who has defended nuclear resisters in court for decades and will on occasion use blunt force satire to make a point.

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